my soul wont recognize me after tonight
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
