Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
