ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
