She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
