my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
