fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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