you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
