I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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