sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
