Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
