Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
