Yo dont text me then not text me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
