she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
