I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
