Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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