actually, I'm a sock model
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
