i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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