exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
