Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
