i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
