Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
