Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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