Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
