i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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