connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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