im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
