We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
