You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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