Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dear god my vagina.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
