im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
