I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
