New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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