That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
