my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
