I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
