White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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