he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize