Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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