im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
