my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
