I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
