Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
