I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
