miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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