have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
