Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
