i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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