Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
