Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize