Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize