she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
