last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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