next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
