Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize