i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
