i don't like sucking hair
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize