I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
