I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I enjoy the company of your penis
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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